Where was I?
I got lost in a storm.
Storm that was full of emotions.
I fell in love.
I sacrificed a lot of things.
My “friends” turned their backs on me.
My family hated me,
that even I, eventually, hated myself as well.
But if there is something I learned and realized after my experience,
it is about not giving up on your life.
Life is really tough and time comes that you would fall on your knees.
If you fall, you have two options.
It is to get up immediately or rest.
If you choose to get up immediately,
be sure you wouldn’t burn yourself up.
Yes, it is good to be able to move on,
but if in exchange you’ll be sacrificing yourself and your happiness,
take time to reconsider.
Maybe you need to rest.
Rest as an option does not mean taking your own life.
It means you need to take time in fixing yourself.
Gather enough strength so you would be able to face the challenges you’ve left.
Rediscover yourself if you’ve lost it when you were trying to prove your worth to people.
Learn to love yourself first, before others.
Taking your own life is the worst option you’ll ever think of.
After experiencing a ranging storm for months,
little by little I started seeing light.
The storm became calm and sun came in.
Things did not return as they were before,
but I’m gratefully enjoying the sun,
tho there’s still storm.
Life is both storm and sunny.
You just need to learn to live in both sides.
Enjoy the Sun and Rain,
because that is when rainbow comes.
Rainbow is the gifts.
These are the people, the places and the music,
that you did not notice before that will bring happiness to you.
Tho I only found that photo from Google, I somehow look similar to it hahahaha!
Anyway! I’m already a third year college student. I’m closet bisexual. I’m a wallflower in our class. A diary of everyone. People trust me, more than I trust myself. I’m a shoulder that everyone can cry upon. Everyone thinks I’m tough and the knight and shinning amour of my friends but little did they know, I’m soft in the inside. Every night, or almost every night, I get messages from my blockmates, opening up their problems. Sometimes, I get surprised since some of them aren’t really the people who talk to me in school. I really don’t know why they trust me so much hahaha luckily, I haven’t broke my promise from anyone.
I decided to write this blog entry in two languages, English and my country’s language, Filipino (from Philippines)
Why are other people so lucky? The person they’re loving loves them back. Some already met their soulmate and turns out, it is just beside them and then, there’s me. Every day, I’m wondering whether I’ve already met my future partner or will my love interest ever notice me. Why are some so lucky? There is also a reason why everything for me is difficult…. ’cause I’m bisexual. My family hates LGBT, especially my two sisters. They find it disgusting. My parents might stop supporting me in finishing my education so I can’t take risk to come out. In my circle of friends, I was able to reveal my true self to only three. They felt happy, amazed, and shocked. They’re happy since I was able to accept myself and understand my emotions deeper. Amazed, since I had the guts to tell them who really I am and what I like tho it was only through messenger. Lastly, they were shocked because when we were in grade school and high school, guys admire me and my actions are very childish and all I did is to laugh things out. They never imagine and expect I was bisexual but still, nothing change between us four and they love me even more.
IN TAGALOG (Filipino)
Bakit ang swerte ng ibang tao? Mahal sila ng taong mahal nila. Yung iba naman, nasa tabi or nakilala na nila yung taong para sa kanila. Samantalang ako, nag iisip parin kung kailan kaya darating yung para sakin. Umaasang baka mapansin ako ng taong gusto ko. Bakit ang swerte swerete nila? Isa pang rason kung bakit ako sobrang nahihirapan, ayun ay dahil bisexual ako. Hindi ko maamin sa pamilya ko dahil sobrang nandidiri sila sa LGBT. Ayoko naman mapatigil sa pag-aaral ko magalit lalo na mga kapatid ko kaya mag tatago muna ako. Sa mga kaibigan ko naman, may nasabihian na akong tatlo. Natuwa sila, namangha, at nagulat sa balitang dala ko. Natuwa silang nakikilala ko na sarili ko at niyakap ko na kung ano ba talaga ako kahit na patago muna ako sa marami pero atleast may tatlong taong nakakaalam. Namangha, dahil nagawa ko umamin sa kanila kahit na sa messenger ko lang nasabi. Nagulat sila dahil akala nila straight ako dahil sa mga nalink sa akin dati ng highschool at gradeschool. Ang kilos ko rin ay sobrang makulit at puro tawa kaya hindi nila inakalang mag kakagusto ako sa babae.